Rewriting the Conversation Around Sexual Assault
In this powerful and necessary episode of Mental Health Rewritten, we open with a deceptively simple question: “Is this sexual assault?” From that moment forward, we begin a journey that challenges long-held beliefs about consent, trauma, and silence, especially when the abuse doesn’t look the way we expect it to.
At the heart of this episode is Maria, a fictional composite of real stories. We explore the types of harm that don’t come through force, but through the absence of consent, emotional pressure, or the quiet rewriting of boundaries inside long-term relationships.
But Maria’s story is just the beginning.
We’re also joined by Ashley-Lauren Elrod, a survivor whose candid testimony spans over a decade of sexual abuse, much of it at the hands of family members. Her story is raw and revealing of how trauma fragments memory, distorts identity, and leaves lingering questions like: Who am I outside of what happened to me? How do I tell the truth when the people who hurt me are the ones who raised me?
Together with expert voices—therapists Havi Kang, Dr. Justin Dodson, Dr. Alex Katehakis, and Dan Woerheide—we examine:
Why sexual assault in marriage is still so often denied or minimized
How dissociation becomes the mind’s defense when the body can’t escape
What gaslighting looks like in everyday language—and how it erodes self-trust
The difference between love and entitlement, and how one can masquerade as the other
What real trauma-informed healing requires—from clinicians, partners, and communities
We also confront institutional betrayal through the lens of the Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics case, using it as a sobering parallel: If world-class athletes weren’t believed, what does that say about the everyday survivor sitting silently at your dinner table?
This episode is a call to rethink what sexual harm looks like—not just in headlines, but in homes. It’s about naming what happened, even when the world tells you it wasn’t “bad enough.” And it’s about rewriting what healing looks like, starting with truth.
Research and Statistics References
Bureau of Justice Statistics – Criminal Victimization, 2021: This U.S. Justice Department report provides official data on crime reporting rates. It shows that only 21.5% of rape/sexual assaults were reported to police in 2021bjs.ojp.gov, highlighting the underreporting problem and reasons victims cite (fear of reprisal, etc.)bjs.ojp.gov.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) – National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): The CDC’s research on sexual violence prevalence. According to recent CDC findings, approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 boys in the U.S. experience sexual abuse in childhood. nationalchildrensalliance.org. (Earlier studies suggested “1 in 6” for boys, underlining the need for more research on male victimization.)
Academic Review on Revictimization: “The Prevalence of Sexual Revictimization: A Meta-Analytic Review” (Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 2017) – A study synthesizing data on how often survivors of sexual abuse experience new incidents later. It found nearly 50% of survivors faced revictimization on average. nsvrc.org, though estimates vary. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Institutional Betrayal Case Study – Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics: News investigations and a 2019 U.S. Senate report document how USA Gymnastics and Michigan State University failed to stop Nassar. Example resource: The Guardian report “How was Larry Nassar able to abuse so many gymnasts for so long?” which describes how complaints were ignored in favor of protecting reputations. theguardian.com. Also see ESPN’s piece on victim-blaming in this case. espn.com.
“Ideal Victim” Myth in Sexual Assault: For context on this concept, see Nils Christie’s work in victimology and modern commentary such as “The ‘Perfect Victim’ Myth” by Kim Machray (Empoword Journalism, 2023), which explains how societal stereotypes of a “blameless, ideal victim” can marginalize many survivors. empowordjournalism.com.
Complex PTSD – ICD-11 vs. DSM-5: World Health Organization’s ICD-11 includes Complex PTSD as a diagnosis distinct from PTSD. ptsd.va.gov. In contrast, the DSM-5 (the American manual) does not formally recognize “C-PTSD” as separate. (See the U.S. National Center for PTSD explainer on “Complex PTSD: History and Definitions.”ptsd.va.gov)
Support Organizations & Hotlines for Survivors
RAINN – Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (U.S.): The largest U.S. anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE and online chat support. rainn.org. They offer help 24/7 for survivors, plus extensive educational materials and referrals (🌐 rainn.org).
National Sexual Violence Resource Center (U.S.): NSVRC provides research, toolkits, and a directory of local services. nsvrc.org. (While not a hotline, NSVRC is a hub for understanding sexual violence and finding support by state or territory – 🌐 nsvrc.org).
1in6 (U.S. & Global): A nonprofit specializing in male survivor support. Provides anonymous online chat groups and resources for men who’ve experienced sexual abuse (🌐 1in6.org). Named after the statistic that at least 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences by age 18. 1in6.org.
National Child Abuse Hotline (U.S.): For anyone affected by child sexual abuse (survivors, parents, concerned individuals). Operated by Childhelp at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), 24/7 confidential crisis counseling and referrals nationwide.
National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): Many sexual assaults occur in the context of intimate partner violence. The NDVH (🌐 thehotline.org, or call 1-800-799-SAFE) offers support and can connect survivors of partner or marital sexual abuse to local services.
DoD Safe Helpline (Worldwide, for U.S. Military Community): An anonymous 24/7 hotline for members of the U.S. military (active or veteran) affected by sexual assault. Accessible worldwide via phone or online chat (🌐 safehelpline.org). rainn.org
International Resources – “NO MORE” Global Directory: A comprehensive global directory of sexual assault and domestic violence helplines by country (🌐 nomoredirectory.org). If you’re outside the U.S., this resource (developed with the UN) helps locate local support services anywhere in the world. nomoredirectory.orgnomoredirectory.org.
Rape Crisis England & Wales (UK): National network of centers for sexual violence survivors in the UK. Offers a 24-hour phone helpline at 0808 802 9999 and online resources (🌐 rapecrisis.org.uk). (For Scotland, see Rape Crisis Scotland; for Ireland, see Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, etc.)
Ending Violence Canada – Sexual Assault Centre Directory: A Canadian resource listing provincial sexual assault centres and crisis lines (🌐 endingviolencecanada.org). Survivors in Canada can find local support services via this directory. endingviolencecanada.org.
(For other regions: many countries have similar organizations or hotlines – e.g. 1800-RESPECT in Australia, the Women’s Helpline in India, etc. See the NO MORE Global Directory above for an extensive international list.)
Educational Resources – Trauma, Dissociation, Sexual Health, and Healing
Book – The Body Keeps the Score (2014) by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: A best-selling book on how trauma impacts the body and mind, and paths to healing. Explores phenomena like dissociation, flashbacks, and the neuroscience of trauma in an accessible way. (Penguin Books)penguinrandomhouse.com
Book – It Didn’t Start with You (2016) by Mark Wolynn: An insightful look at intergenerational trauma. Explains how trauma can be passed down through family generations and offers strategies to break the cycle. psychologytoday.com. Good for understanding how family history of abuse or trauma might affect someone’s mental health in the present.
Book – Trauma and Recovery (1992; updated 2015) by Dr. Judith Herman: A foundational text by a psychiatrist that coined the concept of Complex PTSD. It covers the impact of sexual and domestic violence, the importance of survivor empowerment, and stages of recovery. (BasicBooks).
Documentary – Athlete A (2020): A Netflix documentary about the USA Gymnastics sexual abuse scandal. en.wikipedia.org. Follows investigative journalists and survivors (like Maggie Nichols, “Athlete A”) as they expose Larry Nassar’s crimes and the institutional cover-up. An impactful look at how a powerful institution silenced victims, and how the truth finally came out.
Documentary – Resilience: The Biology of Stress & the Science of Hope (2016): Explores the science of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and toxic stress. rocofilms.com. Shows how childhood trauma (including abuse and neglect) can affect health across a lifetime, and highlights initiatives to build resilience and break intergenerational cycles of trauma. rocofilms.com. (Director: James Redford).
Toolkit – The Trauma Toolkit (Klinic Community Health, 2013): A comprehensive guide (available free online) for trauma-informed approaches. While aimed at service providers, it’s written in plain language about what trauma does to the brain, body, and how healing can occur. Includes sections on grounding techniques, understanding dissociation, and cultural/historical trauma. 🌐 trauma-informed.ca (PDF download).
Sidran Institute (Trauma/Dissociation Resources): A nonprofit organization that focuses on helping people understand and recover from traumatic stress and dissociative disorders. Their website offers fact sheets on conditions like Dissociative Identity Disorder, grounding skills for flashbacks, and how to find a trauma-informed therapist (🌐 sidran.org).nsvrc.org
National Child Traumatic Stress Network – Resources on Childhood Trauma: NCTSN (🌐 nctsn.org) provides guides for both survivors and parents. For example, “Why Don’t They Tell? Teens and Sexual Assault Disclosure” (NCTSN, 2008) is a resource explaining barriers that youth face in disclosing abuse. nctsn.org, and tips to support them.
NSVRC Guides to Healthy Sexuality Education: The National Sexual Violence Resource Center has materials to help parents and educators talk about consent and sexuality early. E.g., “6 Resources to Help Parents Talk to Kids About Consent”nsvrc.org and “It’s Time... to Talk to Your Children about Healthy Sexuality” (fact sheet)nsvrc.org. These tools can empower families to replace silence with informed, age-appropriate dialogue – echoing the episode’s message that education is a form of protection.
Survivor Recovery Workbooks: The Courage to Heal Workbook by Laura Davis (a companion to the classic book The Courage to Heal) is a practical guide full of exercises for women and men healing from childhood sexual abuse. Another option for male survivors is Victims No Longer by Mike Lew, which addresses the unique challenges men face and includes first-hand stories and recovery strategies.
Support for Complex Trauma: “Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation” (2011) by Kathy Steele et al. – a workbook for survivors of severe trauma who experience dissociation. It provides grounding techniques and coping skills in an easy-to-understand format. For those interested in the clinical perspective, the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD) offers free fact sheets on understanding dissociative disorders and complex PTSD. isst-d.org.
Memoirs and Personal Stories: Sometimes, hearing another survivor’s story is healing. A few noted memoirs: Know My Name by Chanel Miller (survivor of the Stanford University assault, reclaiming her story), Missoula by Jon Krakauer (investigative book with survivors’ experiences in a college town), and The Sum of My Parts by Olga Trujillo (one woman’s journey healing from dissociative identity disorder caused by childhood abuse).
