Rewriting the Conversation Around Pornography

DIsclaimer (00:00:02): Mental Health Rewritten is for informational purposes only, and it's not a substitute for medical advice,

diagnosis, or treatment, please consult a mental health professional for care. This podcast may include

sensitive topics. Listen to discretion is advised.

Dominic Lawson (00:00:19): At first, it was background noise, a tab left open, a midnight routine, a reward after a long day, but soon it

wasn't just something that was being watched. It was something that felt needed even when it wasn't

wanted, even when it caused sleep, focus and connection. Because see, Maddie is 14. No one talked to her

about what she is watching, not in school, not at home. The sex ed class mentioned reproduction, but

never compulsion how arousal could morph into avoidance of pain of life of herself. Maddie's parents

think she's just into gaming. No one inquired about the browser history. Though no one suspected the

cycle of shame and secrecy. She doesn't even know what to call what's happening, just that it feels wrong.

Some people call it a harmless outlet, a digital playground of fantasy and expression, while others call it a

public health crisis, a compulsive numbing force rewiring our brains, redefining intimacy.

(00:01:39): We live in a world where sexuality, desire, and pleasure are tangled into expectation, morality and shame.

Where sex like food, money and power is both a necessity and an indulgence, both natural and somehow

dangerous. And nowhere is this more apparent than our relationship with pornography, but today we are

not here to shame it. We're also not here to glorify it. We are here to understand it. So how do we talk

about it? Honestly, critically and compassionately change begins with understanding and understanding

begins with reflection. My name is Dominic Lawson and welcome to Mental Health Rewritten.

(00:02:38): In this episode of Mental Health Rewritten, we follow a dual narrative into the world of pornography,

while examining the effects of it, discussing the mental wellbeing and the challenges, overcoming

compulsive consumption and the making of it. Join us as we rewrite the conversation around

pornography. Pornography isn't just about sex. In 1967, Susan Sontag published the Pornographic

Imagination. In it, she argued that pornography isn't just about stimulation, it's about reflection of our

deepest fears, desires, and anxieties. It's a mirror of the power struggles embedded in our culture and

artifact of how we understand intimacy control and even our own self-worth. So what does our

relationship with pornography say about us, about the way we navigate loneliness, desire, and shame? In

1986, the Reagan administration's Meese Commission released a report that reads almost like a horror

novel. The claim that pornography was not just corrupting individual minds, it was fueling sexual

violence and moral decay in America.

(00:04:09): The headlines ran wild politicians called for action. Churches mobilized against the public menace that it

was. But here's the thing. Many of those studies in the report they relied on, they later debunked. The

research just didn't hold up. So when we talk about the dangers of porn, are we reacting to real harm or

are we just recycling old fears? And then there's another thing we don't often talk about when it comes to

pornography in economic downturns, people watch more of it sounds strange, I know, but time and time

again, research has shown that during recessions, job losses or even a global crisis like the COVID-19

pandemic consumption skyrockets. Because when life gets tough, when stress, uncertainty and fear take

hold, people seek escape. For some that escape is a movie, maybe even a bottle or a video game. But for

many it is pornography. And what about the people behind the content, the performers, producers and

workers in the industry that profits from our need of distraction?

(00:05:29):Listen, pornography has been debated, legislated, celebrated, and condemned. It has been called a tool of

liberation and a weapon of oppression. It's a billion dollar industry. It a cultural background, but for

many, it's an addiction. And today we're not just talking about porn, we're talking about power, desire,

exploitation, stigma, and ultimately healing. So listen, this episode is just getting started and we've talked

about a lot fear, power and panic. We've unpacked the societal narratives around pornography, but what

about the deeply personal ones? See, I wanted to understand that transformation, not just through research

or statistics, but by listening, really listening to the lived experience. So I'm going to introduce you to

somebody today and based on agree anonymity, we will call this person geo. I think his story gives us a

unique angle into this world. And also let us know how early beginnings lead to a path that I'm sure he

didn't really see for himself. And to unpack his story, we're going to bring some help along the way.

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:06:50): I really enjoyed listening to his story, listening to people's story humanizes individuals, and it allows us to

place less shame and blame.

Dominic Lawson (00:06:59): See, we enlisted the help of Dr. Justin Dotson, founder of Navigating Courage Counseling his private

practice here in Memphis, Tennessee. He was very helpful to us in episode one, so it made sense to bring

him back for this conversation about pornography because it's something he's discussed with many of his

clients. And to take you behind the scenes of mental health rewritten a bit. I interviewed Geo first and

then sent the interview to Dr. Dotson to analyze and provide us with some commentary. So allow Dr.

Dotson to lay the groundwork. What we're about to hear today,

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:07:33): And I think even when we're looking at things, a lot of people in companies will say, trauma-informed

lens. What does that mean? It means we're really getting to ask the question, what happened versus what's

wrong with you? A lot of the times when things happen, we say What's wrong with them? And we're

speaking in judgment versus I wonder what happened to them that led them to this decision. So I think

listening to the interview and hearing his story was really moving.

Dominic Lawson (00:08:01): When I hear things like what Dr. Dotson shared, it always leaves me with more questions than answers.

And maybe that's the point. It reminds me that addiction, especially sex and porn addiction is never just

about desire or impulse control. It's often survival, coping, and sometimes economics. And in the adult

film world, economic exploitation runs rampant. In the United States, we talk about personal choice and

empowerment, but what happens when that choice is influenced or cornered by systemic barriers? Take

the case of Olivia Nova, an adult film star who passed away at just 20 years old. Reports from the

Guardian highlighted that she, like many performers, struggled with financial instability and lacked

access to consistent self or mental health support, or consider the 2020 New York Times expose the

children of PornHub, which detailed how underage and non-consensual content was not only uploaded

but monetized, showcasing how exploitative and poorly regulated this multi-billion dollar industry can be.

(00:09:18): And then there's the ongoing fight for pay equity within the industry itself. Black performers like Anna

Fox in Lotus Lane have spoken publicly about being offered hundreds of dollars less than white

performers for the same scenes, forcing them to constantly negotiate for basic fairness. The Rolling Stone

did a powerful feature on this disparity. The link to all three of those pieces you can find here in the show

notes. So it begs the question, is it really about personal decisions gone wrong or are we witnessing

symptoms of larger systems profiting off vulnerability and leaving people without safety nets? And that

leads us to someone I want to introduce you to today.

Gio (00:10:05): I was raised by a single black mother. I have a younger sister, and technically I have an older brother.

Dominic Lawson (00:10:11): Geo is someone I wanted to interview for this episode because I thought he could provide a very unique

perspective to this conversation on multiple fronts because as he details it, adversity came to him very

early.

Gio (00:10:25): My father was murdered when I was about 14 months old, never really knew my dad's side of the family

until I was about 20 years old. I've been through enough therapy that I don't want to say I had a typical

black male upbringing because I realized truly how unique my experience was. I experienced traumatic

events, trauma and things of that nature. I'm currently enrolled in EMDR therapy and it has helped me to

really look at a lot of the positive things that I experienced growing up. For example, traveling out of the

country, I also, we really didn't struggle financially. So living in poverty and not having meals, having

lights cut off and things like that really wasn't my experience.

Dominic Lawson (00:11:12):

Let's take a quick pause here because you're probably wondering what EMDR stands for. That will be eye

movement, desensitation and reprocessing. It's a form of therapy designed to help people heal from the

emotional distress caused by traumatic memories. Your brain has a natural way of processing difficult

experiences, but sometimes trauma jams that process. EMDR uses guided eye movements, sort of like

what happens during REM sleep to help your brain kind of unstick and reprocess those memories so

they're less triggering. It's not about forgetting what happened, it's about reducing the intensity of how it

affects you. Now if you're curious to learn more, check out the EMDR International

association@emdri.org. We have a link there in the show notes, and as we get back to geo, he really nails

down what that adversity looked like.

Gio (00:12:10): I think that throughout my childhood, the primary form of adversity that I really faced was the fact that

my mom was raising two kids by herself and with the way my family structure is set up, she really didn't

have a lot of support, which put a lot of extra pressure on her. But being who I was as a kid, I had my

rambunctious era as a teenager. I did rebel a little bit, not a little bit a lot. I ended up leaving my mom's

house at the age of 15. If you let her tell it, I left on my own. But the reality is I was a 15-year-old child

that moved out of my mom's house, and I went to go stay with my grandmother at the time, and I lived

with my grandmother until I was about 17, where she also asked me to leave her house and she asked me

to leave because of my sexuality and assumptions that were made around that time.

(00:13:04): But overall, I had a pretty decent childhood. Like I said, I traveled out the country. I was one of those kids

who also moved around a lot. So instead of staying in one specific area, we moved every year when our

lease was up. My mom wasn't the kind of person, oh, we're going to renew this lease and just stay here.

She was like, no, we're going to move here. We're going to move there. My mom was married for a brief

period of time. I had stepbrothers and sisters and just a lot of conflict in the household, a lot of what

people would describe as domestic type situations. I did witness a lot of domestic violence growing up

that really had an influence on me. But I think at this stage of my life with where I am and my healing that

I've done and the therapy that I've been able to receive, I don't look at it as good or bad. I look at it as

these are things that happen and now I'm developing more tools to just manage life moving forward. As a

black queer male figuring out life like the rest of us,

Dominic Lawson (00:14:06): As Gio shares his story, it becomes clear this isn't just a tale of one childhood, one family, or one city. It's

the story of navigating between worlds, carrying the weight of expectations and assumptions while

searching for a place to simply be the experiences he describes. Moments of joy, trauma, displacement

and discovery aren't just chapters in his life. They're clues to a much larger question. What happens when

the spaces we move through the communities we hope will embrace us instead, highlight our differences.

How does that shape who we will and how we learn to cope?

Gio (00:14:54): My experiences were very unique then those people around me. And it wasn't until I moved to central

Illinois and Springfield that I realized how different my experiences were because of the way my mom

moved. She wasn't necessarily moving how we would say in the hood, we would move from suburb to

suburb. And I was in predominantly white schools growing up, but my first experience at an all black

school, I was called the white boy. I was talking, you talk so white, you're so proper. You actually know

how to read. You're actually smart. And I'm like, what? And it was such a shock to me to be like an

outcast amongst my own people in my own community. And because when I would be at the white

schools, all the black kids clicked together because there wasn't a lot of us. There was times where I can

remember being one of two or three black kids in the entire class or in one of a handful of black kids in

the entire school.

(00:15:59): And so when I started to actually be around a lot more people like me or that looked like me, rather, I was

still like an outcast. So I never really fit in a sense. And so that was something that I always questioned.

Why have I never really found a sense of community? And that was just throughout my childhood. And

as I've gotten older, I just realized that I'm different and I'm okay with that. My experiences were

different. I started to realize like, wow, these experiences that I had really shaped who I was. But because

I had those experiences, I went down this journey of self-discovery, healing, going to therapy, discovering

myself, and it made me a better person. So I don't regret anything. But there were times I was like, why

me? Why is this happening to me? But I think it's all for the greater good of all. It makes my life that

much more interesting. 

Dominic Lawson (00:16:52): Now,I can't help but reflect on the power dynamics that shape so much of our identity and behavior sometimes

in ways we don't even notice until we're well into adulthood. The feeling of being othered, of being both

inside and outside of your community sets the stage for so many internal conflicts. And it's not just about

race or upbringing, it's about the systems that tell us who we should be and how we should behave.

Andrea D Kin in her book, pornography Men Possessing Women argued that pornography isn't just

entertainment. It's a tool of oppression, perpetuating violence against women and reinforcing patriarchal

structures. Now, I'll admit, when I first read that, it challenged me. I thought about how media images and

culture can shape just how we see others, but how we also see ourselves. And so I started to wonder if

systems like that are so powerful in shaping beliefs around gender and sexuality, what about the systems

themselves, familial, societal, even educational, that shape how we attach, how we trust, and ultimately

how we cope with trauma? And that brings us to something Dr. Dotson said that really stuck with me.

The idea that to understand someone's present behaviors, we have to start at the beginning because

somewhere back there, the foundation was laid and sometimes the foundation holds more cracks than we

realize.

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:18:34): So even as a clinician, and when I start therapy with a client, I always say, well, we're going to be cliche

for a second and we're going to start at the beginning. Because when you start at the beginning of

something, you get to understand how people framed their thinking. You understand where attachment

began for them. So that's why we talk about attachment styles. If we learned what happened to you earlier

in life, somewhere along this line, this timeline of events, we're going to see some type of trauma, get an

understanding of your attachment style and how that was developed, whether that was at 16, six or 25. So

if I am the way I am today, something happened before today that drives the way that I behave because

that thing or that series of things called trauma drives my behavior because now my behavior is a reaction

to that thing.

(00:19:22): And sometimes that is witnessing domestic violence. In this case, he witnessed his mother being a

domestic relationship where she was a victim. There are studies of research that indicate that witnessing

domestic violence is a direct driver to some type of inappropriate sexual behavior later in life. And a lot of

people would think, well, wouldn't that be sexual abuse? Well, they're both traumas, but domestic

violence that's witnessing power and control of another person. And so a lot of people miss that link.

Between then, inappropriate sexual behavior later in life can happen because you saw domestic violence

happening. The loss of his father being displaced from family, witnessing mom in a domestic violence

relationship, those are all traumas, even being the first black male in his school or the only black male in

his school being othered, right? So right there, we have a loss of family, a loss of a parent. Those are both

traumatic things. Witnessing domestic violence, that's a traumatic thing, being an outcast, no sense of

community. Let's go back to something Dr. Dotson said earlier. There are studies of research that indicate

that witnessing domestic violence is a direct driver to some type of inappropriate sexual behavior later in

life. And a lot of people would think, well, wouldn't that be sexual abuse? Well, they're both traumas

Dominic Lawson (00:20:46): As mentioned in the second trailer for mental health rewritten. And in episode one, this is an educational

show because we are an educational company. So when you hear that, that means something was said that

we need to break down even more. Now, usually it will be something that where we'll reference the DSM

five or the ICD 11 two resources that are heavily used by clinicians to understand and diagnose mental

health conditions and challenges. Spoiler alert, there's going to be another one in this episode, but unlike

that one, this one is not found in the DSM five or the ICD 11, but it's too important to ignore. You know,

when Dr. Dotson mentioned witnessing domestic violence, I had to sit with that for a moment. It made me

think about how much of who we become starts with what happens with us in childhood and not always

the things we talk about openly.

(00:21:43): And that brings me to adverse childhood experiences or ACEs. ACEs are specific traumatic experiences

that happen before we turn 18. They include things like physical, emotional and sexual abuse, witnessing

violence in the home, living with a parent, struggling with a mental illness or addiction and many others.

And each of these experiences counts as one ace point. The more points you have, the higher the risk of

challenges later in life. Things like substance use, depression, anxiety, and even compulsive sexual

behaviors. Let me show you what this looks like in real life by walking you through a fictional but all too

common story. Meet Marcus. Now, Marcus is 30 years old and struggling with depression and anxiety,

but if you sat down with him and asked him the ACE questionnaire, here's what you'd find. Here's the

first one. His father left him when he was five, one point for parental separation.

(00:22:50): Next, his mother struggled with alcohol addiction, add on another point. Next, he witnessed her being

abused by her partner tack on another point. Then he often went without food or basic care, one more

point or neglect. And lastly, he was emotionally abused, told he would never amount to anything. One

more point. That's five ACEs right there. And according to the CDC and Kaiser Permanente study that

started this conversation, having four or more ACEs dramatically increases the risk of high sexual

behavior, substance abuse, or other chronic mental health conditions. And what struck me most when I

first learned about ACEs is how clear the connection is, and yet how often we miss it because behaviors

that seem confusing or self-destructive often makes sense when we trace them back to our early

experiences. Now, you may be listening to this and wondering, what is my ACE score?

(00:23:56): Could this be part of my story? No worries, I got you. There's a simple confidential questionnaire you can

take. I recommend the one from the CDC and Kaiser Permanente partnership available through the Center

for Youth wellness@numberstory.org. You have a link there in the show notes of your podcast player. It's

a great starting point to reflect, understand, and maybe even start healing because here's the truth,

understanding our past helps us rewrite our future. As I said with this information about ACEs, something

else began to stir in my mind a question I kept coming back to. If early trauma can shape our behavior so

profoundly, what happens when those ripple effects meet life's most unexpected challenges? What

happens when someone's past pain collides with moments of crisis in adulthood moments they never

could have planned for? And sometimes those moments don't just test us, do they completely redirect our

paths? It's one thing to talk about trauma in theory, but it's another to see how survival instincts,

opportunities, and desperation mix in real time. Now, geo is now an adult with a college degree and a

really good job. 

Gio (00:25:17):

But then In April of 2020, I was laid off for my job. I had a corporate level job. I was a corporate trainer at the

time, working for up becoming burger joint in Atlanta. And when I got laid off during the pandemic,

anybody who's still alive today who lived through the pandemic, I feel like I'd even really explained what

the world was like in 2020. And I even remember watching movies, the movie 2020 and all these crazy

movies. It's like, I'm living this right now. What the fuck is happening? Is Jesus about to park these skies

and come down with the horns and the trumpets and the locusts? Are we in revelations right now? I don't

know, but I found myself struggling financially. I found myself battling homelessness. I needed a way to

make money. Atlanta was one of those cities that never really closed down and things were still

happening in the city.

(00:26:08): And I was a very sexual person at the time, very promiscuous. And I was running into a lot of content

creators who did only fan, and it was this one guy that I was dealing with, and he introduced me to it,

tried to recruit me. Initially I was like, no, I don't want to do that. Doing adult entertainment and content

was like, it's still kind of taboo. I think in a couple years it's going to be like everybody does it kind of

thing. Everybody does do it at the end of the day, whether you posted it on a website to make money or

you're not. And so for me, with my situation and I had just said, fuck it, what else do I have to lose at this

point? The only thing I have to do is to gain. I can gain a means to make money for myself.

(00:26:54): I'm not going to be hurting anybody else. I'm not selling my body. That's one thing I never did in the

industry that a lot of people actually do behind the scenes that I just, I don't escort. I made adult film and

posted them on OnlyFans and made money. And this is also during the time where OnlyFans was very

new, but it was also exploding. The guy, he told me how he literally showed me his account, this was the

day that I was like, okay, yeah, we're going to do this. This dude made almost like $4,000 in two weeks.

And I'm like, this is giving upwards up seven, $8,000 a month. And he's literally showing me and he's

really recruiting me.

Dominic Lawson (00:27:37): What's the cost of that constant hustle beneath the surface? What weight does displacement carry?

Because behind every visible success, there's often a quiet struggle, moments of isolation. And those

lingering questions we rarely say out loud, do I belong? 

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:27:58):

Am I enough being treated or feeling like an outcast leaves you isolated, which is a trauma. And a lot of people

think that a trauma has to be a car wreck or some type of major event, but being isolated, you feel

helpless. That impacts your sense of self-esteem and sense of belonging. So even when we look at the

needs that people have in life, a sense of belonging is what keeps us here on earth. That's what drives a lot

of suicidal ideation, not having a place where you belong. So a lot of that starts somewhere. And for him,

I think that was being displaced several times. It happened repeatedly from father's family to school to

race and sexual orientation, even being asked to leave his grandmother's house. So it's hard to mention

that one thing without paying attention to how it's repeated itself over and over and over again.

(00:28:52): But being treated as other, you are isolated. And what happens when we are isolated? We have

ruminating thoughts where we're hyperfocused on why am I being othered? What's missing? What's

wrong with me? So then we internalize those things and we try to find answers to questions that we alone

cannot answer because we're looking to get answers from the people that are ostracizing us. Well, if they

won't talk to us and give us the time of day or show us what went wrong or fill us in or include us, well,

you're left to your own devices. And oftentimes, if I don't know how to use those devices or they are

unhealthy or don't have a healthy pattern of thought, I'm going to be left to do things to self-esteem

myself.

Dominic Lawson (00:29:38): You have to admire it, the resilience, the resourcefulness, and honestly the sheer survival instinct in the

face of isolation and uncertainty. But it also makes me wonder what happens after that, after the survival

mode quiets down, after the money comes in and the chaos settles just enough for you to hear your own

thoughts, what's left? Often it's the echo of those moments where we felt displaced, unwanted, and

othered. And that brings me to something Dr. Dotson said that really stuck with me. Isolation itself can be

a trauma. It doesn't need to be a car wreck or a headline worthy crisis because sometimes it's just a slow

burn of being excluded, misunderstood, or cast aside that shapes how we see ourselves and how we cope.

So as we think about geo's journey, others like his, let's zoom out a bit and explore the deeper, often

hidden impact of being treated as other because what we do to survive is only part of the story. How we

heal from what drove us there, that's another conversation entirely.

(00:31:06): And as geo's story unfolds, we begin to see that addiction, especially one wrapped in sex, secrecy and

survival. And it's never just one decision or one moment is it? It's a slow build of unmet needs, quiet

traumas and societal structures that push individuals toward coping mechanisms that never imagined for

themselves. And yet, in the midst of that weight, there is resilience. There's the spark of curiosity that can

lead to discovery and the human instinct to survive, even if survival means breaking rules or facing

judgment. But survival often comes at a cost, doesn't it? And is not measured just in dollars or

opportunities, but in self-worth isolation and our mental health. And while geo's entry into pornography

came through survival and performance, we go back to Maddie's story, which began in silence and

secrecy. Because see, Maddie was 11 and it started as curiosity. Something she stumbled upon while

trying to look up a song lyric. She clicked, then she clicked again by 13. It wasn't just something she

watched. It was something she relied on late at night before school, sometimes during school, a quiet

habit becoming louder in her head than in any of her other thoughts. And then there's Maddie's internal

monologue.

Maddie (A.I.) (00:32:45): It makes me feel something not happy, not excited, just not nothing. I know I'm not supposed to, but when

I stop, I feel worse.

Dominic Lawson (00:33:01):

Her parents chalked it up to screens, her grades dropped. Her friend said she was zoning out more than

ever. She didn't really talk about it because she didn't have the words and no one gave her the language.

And I mean, come on, middle school is tough enough as is. And after a teacher noticed her writing about

not being able to stop thinking about things she couldn't say. Maddie was sent to the counselor's office.

She finally tried to open up, but she never got past the second sentence.

Counselor (A.I.) (00:33:35): Oh sweetie, it's just hormones. Totally normal. Everyone goes through a phase.

Dominic Lawson (00:33:40): And with that, Maddie folded in on herself again because being told that something overwhelming is just

a phase doesn't make it go away. Because see, compulsion doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it

just looks like a girl who's suddenly quiet, A girl who can't sleep, A girl can't stop clicking. Validation.

For some it comes from a job well done, a promotion, a quiet nod of approval from someone you respect.

For geo, it came from walking into a crowded room and hearing someone say his name, not from a place

of judgment but admiration. Suddenly the boy who was once displaced had become someone others

looked up to. But in a world that often trades intimacy for performance and connection for currency, what

does that validation really mean? How does it feed confidence and how does it mask deeper wounds?

Gio (00:34:55): So anybody from Atlanta, everybody knows about bulldogs in Atlanta. Bulldogs is like a very popular

gay bar in Atlanta. And I walk in the bulldogs and this guy comes up to me and he's like, fanning out.

This is the first time it ever really happened. And he's like, I just love your content. I love your

transparency. I subscribe. Can I please just buy you a drink? I just don't want it. He was a genuine fan and

I was kind like me. All I really do is have sex with camera, but okay, buy me a drink. You know what I'm

saying? But it gave me a sense of confidence. What I'm doing is not so bad. People are really enjoying

what I'm creating. And I've also been the kind of creative where I post about mental health. I post about

sexual health. I post about going to the doctor and getting tested and taking preventative measures to

prevent the transmission of STIs and Ds and HIV and prep and all those kinds of things.

(00:36:01): So I've utilized my platform to really also kind of educate, which as I've gotten bigger, I've learned, it's a

part of the reason why people really gravitate towards me because it's not just always about having sex on

camera. It's about I talk about me going to therapy. I've talked about how I'm healing the struggles that

I've had. I've just been very transparent and it's been a great thing to even, like I said, had a guy come up

to me and just buy me a drink and really be enamored with who I was. And I did get a sense of celebrity

in a sense, not no a-list celebrity or nothing like that. When you go out and you walk into a room and you

feel when everybody knows you, but you don't know them, it has its pros and has its cons Here.

Dominic Lawson (00:36:42):

 Gio described that moment stepping into a space and suddenly being recognized not just for the

content, but for the vulnerability and education he brings. But it made me wonder, what are all of us really

looking for in these spaces? Is it just entertainment or like geo experienced? Are we seeking affirmation,

connection, even validation?

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:37:09): It was exciting to him. And oftentimes, if we can be in an environment and always tell me in this,

sometimes we do need a space where we can have our ass kissed. Well, if he found that ability, if he

found a way to get his ass kissed, which what that really means is you need a place that makes you feel

good, that affirms you. Sometimes that challenges you, but that makes you feel really good. So that's why

you hear people talk about do what makes you light up. Well, it sounds like he lit up, but once he was

affirmed through his body and the actions that he could give. But then we're also talking about feeling

connected. We're talking about the missing piece of connectedness. So even with the work that I do, a lot

of men use pornography and sex as a way to obtain something else.

(00:37:51): So we talk about what was the triggering event that led you to watch the pornography? Because I work

with men that are trying to separate from sex addiction, porn addiction. So then we're looking at those

triggering events. Well, I felt lonely or I felt upset. I felt angry. So then somewhere in life you learn that

sex or pornography or masturbation, and usually pornography comes with pairing of masturbation. You

learn that doing that alleviated that feeling of sadness or feeling like the other or angry. So if I'm using

cocaine, caring sex, women, men overeating, whatever my thing is somewhere in life, I learn that this is

the thing that can alleviate me feeling this way. So a lot of the times people convince themselves that

they're just hypersexual when well, high sex drive because we're looking at hypersexuality as really being

an addictive thing, but they convince themselves that's simply it.

(00:38:53): But that also helps them remove the shame from that thing. But we're looking at the triggering event,

we're looking at the behavior that alleviates that symptom. And then on the other end of that, what we

find is that oftentimes people still feel the same way because they haven't done anything to reduce or

remove the thing that triggered them versus made it feel better For that temporary tie, it becomes a cycle.

Let's say that a man who uses pornography when he feels lonely, well, if I use pornography to fulfill

loneliness, I'm still lonely after I use this thing. So then in order to make me feel better from being lowly,

I'm going to go right back into this thing. So then it becomes this hamster wheel until people learn the

skills and have the cognitive flexibility to replace that behavior with something else and to understand

what drove them there in the first place.

(00:39:46): Because oftentimes, even in some cultures, we idolized and sexualized people because somewhere in life

we learned that either men or women were the catalyst to make them feel better when what they were

really looking to help was have a mom or to have a dad or to have someone say, good job. So we're really

using these things to replace what we didn't have or to use what we didn't have. But we don't cognitively

understand that in the moment. It's not until someone can invest in therapy or do some deep self-reflection

to understand and uncover those things. Otherwise we just think that we're doing it because it feels good

and that someone has affirmed us being able to do this, or it hasn't been enough consequences to have us

stop this thing.

Dominic Lawson (00:40:32): How often are we mistaking patterns of coping for identity? And if those coping patterns are built on

shaky foundations like loneliness or anger, what happens when those foundations crack? Now, before we

continue, I want to give you a brief content warning about what I'm about to say. What we're about to

discuss is graphic in nature, but believe it's essential to understanding the scope of how behaviors can

spiral. There's a gro phenomenon called gooning, something I only recently learned about myself. It

involves prolonged sessions of masturbation while consuming pornography, sometimes for hours at a

time. People describe it as slipping into a trance-like state where the goal is less about release and more

about chasing an unending high. But this behavior has been linked to some serious mental health

consequences from heightened to even erectile dysfunction and even creating further barriers to intimacy

in real life. I share that not to sensationalize it, but to highlight how easily pleasure can become

compulsion and compulsion can become isolation. And that brings me to the next voice I wanted to bring

into this conversation. Someone we also heard from episode one.

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:41:59): This is a very vulnerable young man, right? His background makes him vulnerable, being queer and being

black make him like double vulnerable.

Dominic Lawson (00:42:10): Dr. Alexander Katehakis, the founder for the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, California. I wanted

to bring her back in because her insight goes beyond the behaviors themselves and digs into what's

beneath them. She reminds us that it's not about what we do, but why we do it, and whether those choices

are building a life of dignity or eroding our sense of self.

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:42:33):

So he goes, he finds a place where he's actually wanted and validated and paid. The problem with it is that

his self-worth needs to come from someplace other than objectifying his looks, right? And I think a lot of

young people get into this that are either in the only fans or even sometimes adult actors also is that they

have constructed themselves as a sex object and that is their currency. And you talk to many adult film

actors and they tell you they're perfectly fine with that. They're making lots of money and they get it and

they're good with it. And so it really has to do, this is a slippery slope because it really has to do with each

individual. If were geo was my friend, I'd say to him, dude, bank all that money. Do not make it a

lifestyle. Start putting that money away, save it, put it in the stock market because when you're 20 or 30,

it's kind of sexy and hot, but when you give it to your mid forties, fifties, not so much. So who do you

want to be is really the question at the end of the day, do you want to be a sex object the rest of your life?

And the pressure that puts on a human being also to constantly look that way. And there's an emptiness

internally as we age, I think so be smart about it is what I would say to him. If you're going to be in a

system that exploits you, then you need to exploit it for your own good by not making that money a

lifestyle.

Dominic Lawson (00:44:11): I can't help but to sit with the weight of those questions. Dr. Kahaka is asking because it's not just about

geo is it, or any one person, it's about all of us living in a society, especially in the United States, that

constantly tell us our worth is measured by what we produce, how we look, or how much we earn. But

what happens when the currency runs out? The applause fades or the validation comes with conditions.

And that brings me to something I've been wondering about. Maybe you have to. Can we really separate

who we are from what we do? Is it even possible In a world where the first question you are asked isn't

Who are you? But what do you do? Want to dig into that a bit more? Because the pressure to tie our

identity to income, an image that's not just geo's struggle, it's all of ours.

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:45:13): We live in a highly capitalistic country and it's about to be on steroids. And so if you can't play this game,

it's very dangerous. And the people who can't play it suffer. And so we are very tied to what we do. The

first thing we ask people when we meet them is, what do you do? Not let me get to know you. Let's share

a coffee. Let's go for a walk. Or who are you? What do you do for a living? So in other words, how much

money do you make? And that is a real pressure, I think. And so we've got to be able to hold that lightly,

and that takes a lot of sophistication. I think what you're asking Dominic about, can I know myself

separate and apart from how much money I earn, how do I value myself? What has meaning to me? What

are the things in life that bring me joy besides shopping compulsively, because it's a consumer culture

that's constantly hearing about the consumer index. It's on the radio every day. How much money do we

spend? How much money are we making?

Dominic Lawson (00:46:19): So here's the question, how do we separate our sense of worth from our income, our status, and what we

do for a living? But more importantly, what happens when that pressure to keep up pushes us past our

limits? Because sometimes it's not just about keeping up appearances or chasing success, it becomes

about survival, and that's where things can get dangerous. The line between ambition and self-destruction

can get blurry fast.

Gio (00:46:52): I had reached a point where my mental health was declining. I also got involved in drugs, like hardcore

drugs. I got involved in doing coke a little bit, not even a little bit. I say my thing now that I say I learned

this from my therapist. I had a summer fling with the white girl. And I say it jokingly now, but looking

back, that's what started my downward spiral is that I got too caught up in the glitz and the glams and the

rockstar, and I could just live life and do whatever I want. And then I got involved with people that were

doing it, and I started to do it as well. And that's what made me take a step back. But also even prior to

doing all of this, I dealt with a lot of suicide ideation. And I now know I think it was the type of drug that

I was doing, which I was doing pills and all types of stuff, but I really just stopped caring about my

survival per se.

(00:47:59): And I put making money by any means necessary above my own wellbeing. And that's really what made

me take a huge break. I had a homegirl reach out to me and tell me how she was just afraid for me

because when I say I was outside, I'm kind of laughing down, but I was really outside to the point that it

was kind of scaring other people around me. And so I also got into some conflict with some guys in the

industry. And because of where I was mentally, I knew I had to step away because I'm laughing now, but

it's not funny. I would crash out and because I was booking hotels, booking air, I'm investing into my

content to make the money back. And you would have guys not show up or just blow you off. And I'm

like, dude, this is how I'm going to pay my rent this month.

(00:48:52): Don't fucking play with me. And I say it like that because that's reason why I stepped away, because I'm

going to end up crashing out and really hurting somebody or getting myself in a situation to where I can't

come back from that. And so I knew that I also just wanted to stop the downward spiral of the drugs. I

started to try to overdose and stuff like that, and I was just like, yeah, I have to take a step away because it

became to be more than just about making money. And I knew that making money wasn't the end all, be

all to life in general. So I was like, you know what? Let me just step away. And I moved out of Atlanta. I

kind of got myself together, got a different job, and just kind of got back on my feet, which led me to

where I'm at now. And the reason why I say I got one foot in one foot out is because the people still

subscribe. And I haven't made a film in over two years, and it's like, why would I leave money on the

table? It's not the thousands of dollars a month that I used to make, but to wake up and I have an extra 2,

3, 4, $500 just sitting there because of some shit I did two, three years ago. Why not?

Dominic Lawson (00:50:09): When we talk about triggers and the cycles we get stuck in, whether it's sex, porn, food, or anything else,

what we're really talking about is pain management, isn't it? We're trying to soothe a part of ourselves that

feels abandoned or unseen. But here's the twist. Sometimes what looks like a coping mechanism on the

surface is actually revealing something much deeper. Underneath geo's validation was external,

broadcasted monetized even. But as we get back to Maddie's story, it was internal and silent. The only

clap she heard were the pages turning in a journal she hoped no one would ever read. After months of

trying to quit cold Turkey, Maddie replaced the habit with something that felt safer writing. She journaled

every night detailing urges. She couldn't explain and feelings. She was too ashamed to speak out loud.

Maddie (A.I.) (00:51:16):

I made it three days, then five, then I stopped counting. I didn't even want to watch it, but I also didn't

want to feel what came when I did it.

Dominic Lawson (00:51:27): In a moment of courage, Maddie handed her journal, just one entry to her school therapist. Thank God she

had one because not many schools do. She waited, shaking, hoping for a name, for what she felt hoping to

be seen.

Counselor (A.I.) (00:51:45): So you're watching things that make you feel weird. It's probably just your brain adapting. Teen brains are

weird. Try reading something wholesome before bed instead,

Dominic Lawson (00:51:57): Maddie nodded. She took back her journal and walked out carrying every word she had hoped to lay

down. Again, no name, no guide, just a filter added to her school. Laptop the next day. No follow-up, no

plan. We say we want to protect our youth from harmful content, but sometimes we forget that shame

doesn't come from what they're seeing. It comes from not being seen. We've heard the stories of

validation and survival of moments when performance became identity and escapism became necessity.

But what happens beneath the surface, beyond the choices and into the wiring of the mind itself? For this

part of the conversation, we turn inward to the brain where images, impulses, and experiences leave an

imprint far deeper than we realize. What starts as curiosity can hardwire compulsion shaping who we are

before we even know who we might become?

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:53:18): If we just look at pornography addiction, which is very different than sex addiction, there are scholars that

have talked about pornography as a contemporary sex addiction versus classic sex addiction. So this

contemporary form of sex addiction, porn addiction is really problematic because when people start

looking at these images young, and I think the average age of internet porn viewing now is eight years old

in the us it's quite young. And those images can be the equivalent of seeing violence for the first time.

They're very intense images on the central nervous system. So it's high arousal, high novelty, high

excitation, high disgust, and shame even also. And all of those things get fused together to create what we

call an erotic template. And it's typically formed by around the age of 12 when those sorts of images are

being blasted at us. So with that digitizing of the brain and especially the male brain, when those neurons

fire together, they wire together.

Dominic Lawson (00:54:26): It's almost like the brain is building its own language around these images and the kind of emotional

shorthand where excitement, shame, curiosity and fear, all start to blend together. If this is happening at

such a young age, before you even fully understand what sex is or what intimacy really means, what does

that do to the way you show up in relationships later on? I mean, it makes me wonder, at what point do

these neural patterns start being just reactions and start becoming definitions of desire? And more

importantly, is that something we can rewrite or are we just left to live with the wiring we didn't even

know was being done?

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:55:12): And so all of those images wired together because they're firing together all the time. And then our ideas

about sex and sexuality and how we have sex change and changes us. So there is a desensitization that

occurs, and that's when we start to see in young males, when I say young, I mean twenties, early thirties,

starting to have what's called pornography induced erectile dysfunction because they get neuronal fatigue.

And so the things that they're watching are so intense that a flesh in blood person is no longer that

arousing to them because the level of novelty is so extreme. So it starts to be gat itself, and it's highly

problematic, and it can take people about four or five months, especially men, to start to regain in natural

erection once they're off internet pornography. That's the way that internet porn can affect the brain.

There's a great website called Your Brain on Porn, and you will find a whole host of information there

about all the scientific studies, et cetera, about internet pornography and its impact.

Dominic Lawson (00:56:24): It's wild how our brains can become wired around certain patterns sometimes without us even realizing it.

But here's where things get interesting. If the brain can be reshaped by repetition and intensity, then how

does society decide which behaviors are in key to indulge in publicly and which ones are kept behind

closed doors? And that brings me to something Dr. Dotson pointed out, and honestly, it was interesting.

Think about it. Why is it perfectly acceptable for someone to sit in a coffee shop reading an erotic novel,

but playing explicit sounds or watching explicit content on a screen sparks instant outrage? What does

that say about the line between private desires and public norms?

Dr. Justin Dodson (00:57:12): Think about it. So I've seen these videos where people are in a library or a quiet place and they're either

watching pornography or there's a prank where they're listening to sexual sounds. Everybody's on alarm,

and that's a no no, that's a rule. You can't do that in here. But we don't know if the woman over there or

the man over there is reading a sexual novel. Well, we also have to think about what's socially acceptable.

Having sex in public is not socially acceptable. So we think about what causes shame. I can read a book

in public and no one knows what it is. I cannot watch pornography in public and people not know what it

is. If there is sound, if I am then doing something right? So you think about the optic, what's aggressive

with it. So watching a video, looking at symbolism, having an erection out in public, that's socially

unacceptable.

(00:58:02): So I think we have to look at those things. But yeah, a book can absolutely be a pathway to that,

especially if it increases someone's willingness to seek out and act out those things that they are reading.

But when you think about pornography, you think about A DVD back in the day, a lot of us found out

through pornography through a tape or a DVD, that's just not socially acceptable to pass around, but a

book is. So I think that there's a different approach there, but you're really ultimately talking about the

same thing there. It is

Dominic Lawson (00:58:34): Socially acceptable versus what simply remains hidden, even if that's the same behavior in spirit, we

cloak our desires in books subtly in whispers, but when it becomes loud, visible, and undeniable, it gets

policed, judged, and shamed. And that double standard doesn't just apply to behaviors. It shows up in how

we talk or don't talk about the people who are a part of this world professionally, beyond the optics And

the rules are real people, real lives making choices that for some are about survival and for others about

liberation, the space between survival and stigma between doing what you need to do and carrying the

weight of other people's perceptions. And it made me wonder, how often do we flatten these stories, turn

them into stereotypes without ever asking about the person behind the decision? And that's why we

switched back to Dr. Kaki, where we peeled back another layer, challenging those assumptions we often

make about adult performers and those who operate in spaces like BDSM, because as it turns out, those

worlds are far more nuanced. And the people in them far more intentional than many of us

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis (00:59:59): Might think. I've met some incredibly smart and interesting adult film actors, and also people that work in

the BDSM world as pro doms professional dominatrixes. And these are smart, educated people. They

know exactly what they're doing, they know why they're doing it, they are monitoring what's what for

them. And I think some of them will notice if they feel like they're sliding into something that feels more

addictive or dark versus why they're doing what they're doing. And so it's important to not consider, I

mean, that's a black and white thinking that we tend towards all pornography. Film actors must be

sexually abused and distorted human beings, and they're not. And there are also studies that show people

that practice BDSM are well-adjusted people. We want to think that they all are trauma survivors, but

they're not. So that's like saying all black cats are bad. So we have to be careful about our judgments

there. And really, I think one of the demands that I'm seeing in our world today is that we really make

peace with who we are and what kind of life we want to live and what our integrity is and what's right for

me.

Dominic Lawson (01:01:12): Dr. Katehakis lays out the challenge so clear and confronts some of our own assumptions. We love simple

answers. We crave those neat categories of good or bad, right or wrong. But when you talk about people

living in these realities, the picture gets much more complicated in that complexity. Geo knows it

firsthand. His story doesn't shy away from the hard truths, the slippery slope between autonomy and

addiction, empowerment and escape, and his words. You'll hear the constant balancing act trying to own

your choices while staying honest about the impact.

Gio (01:01:53):

I understand how sex edition and porn addiction does exist. I understand how certain genres of

pornography does fuel negative things towards women, towards abuse, towards rape culture. And I get

that. I understand that. On the flip side to it, I personally have not in that. I personally, all of my content

is, the premise of it is they're like sex tapes. So that insinuates a level of consent. I talk about owning your

body. I understand what it's like to give consent to another person to engage in sexual activity or

behaviors. And so it is really a double-edged sword because on one aspect, this industry, it's going to

exist, whether I'm in it or not, it existed before me, is going to exist. So it is one of those things that I kind

of have to have my feet on both sides of the fence because I get it.

(01:02:53): And that's why building myself up to finish this book and finally publish it, one of the reasons why I'm

doing interviews like this to bring a sense of humanity to people who do this Steiner work, because I've

met a lot of guys who feel very similar. There's a lot of guys that are very young whose families have

completely disowned them that are homeless or in even worse situations than I was in. And this is their

only means of survival. And so I get that aspect too. At the same time, I understand how some people can

become addicted to sex. Some people can become addicted to pornography. And to be quite honest, it's

another reason why I kind of stepped away because I found myself going down a slippery slope. And I

understand that I have an addictive personality, and I did get addicted to the money.

(01:03:44): And when you're an independent content creator or OnlyFans, you can get addicted to the sex as well.

And so I just really looked at myself and not really looked at the industry as a whole and kind of

separated myself to focus on myself, to be the best version of myself that I can be and go to therapy, be

honest and transparent with my therapist, as well as actually do the work on myself. Actually sitting and

meditating, actually doing things like drinking water on a regular basis, making sure I sleep at night. And

those are two things that I've learned that are the biggest detriment to your mental health. A lot of times

you're tired and you're dehydrated.

Dominic Lawson (01:04:27): Healing doesn't erase the past, it reframes it after shame, after stigma, after systems that boxes in and

definitions that never quite fit what's next? What does it mean to move forward when the world keeps

dragging you back?

Gio (01:04:46): I am not going to live with the shame anymore. I'm not going to live with the guilt anymore. And I'm

working on a book that will definitely be out by then that'll probably have more details of my experiences.

And at the end of the day, I am comfortable in all of my past, all of my experiences is everything that I

do. I made a little money on OnlyFans. And don't be mad at me mad that you didn't make that money too.

And I say it like that because really how I feel. And that's just the reality of the world we live in. And I've

never done anything wrong in this industry, that sex and everything. With the dating situation going on, it

does kind of make me weary. But when I really sit and link about how I have moved in this industry, for

example, I never escorted. And that's something that so many people do. I never allowed myself to do

that. There were certain hard nos and I kept a certain sense of morality about myself. So it's not like it's a

deep, dark secret, but it's also not something that I'm advertising at this point in my life

Dominic Lawson (01:05:53): That push pull between owning your truth and confronting a society that often rewards hypocrisy. That's

tough. And it makes me wonder when the world feels so contradictory, how do any of us start untangling

what we've absorbed from what we've actually believed? How do we begin to rewrite those definitions

that were handed to us long before we ever question them? Because if the wiring can be shaped by what

we see and repeat, maybe just, maybe it can also be reshaped by what we intentionally choose to practice.

And as we get back to Dr. Dotson, we explore exactly that. What does it look like to unlearn, to redefine

manhood, and to rebuild a version of yourself that feels like yours, not someone else's blueprint?

Dr. Justin Dodson (01:06:47): It makes sense that it's such a tough thing to do. And even in the room of therapy, we are constantly

fighting this bigger societal norm that oftentimes go against what we're learning in therapy. So to answer

that question, we have to even talk about the process of unlearning what they learned. And so a lot of men

struggle with reframing that concept because if you're 30 years old, 35, 40 years old, do you know how

long that is to learn something one way? And then you have a therapist saying, well, something you're

doing isn't working and that's why you're here now. And then there's this push pull dynamic of getting

men into start reframing their thoughts, but it's first redefining their definition of manhood and

masculinity. And when I ask that question to clients, a lot of people struggle with answering that because

they've never been asked before.

(01:07:38): It's just been given to them or assigned to them. So the first thing, we redefine what that looks like and

what behaviors are they exhibiting on a regular basis that align with their definition, not someone else's

definition. And sometimes there will be some overlapping ways that they see a definition of manhood that

mirror the same as what they were taught. But oftentimes it's that difference that creates the tension. And

so we're talking about unlearning something, defining it for ourselves, and then also trying to create new

habits and new routines align with how they want to be as a man that make them feel good and light up.

Because if you can exhibit behavior that aligns what makes you feel good, that doesn't bring harm to you

or anyone else, then you can do that over and over and over again. Try it on for size, trial and error.

(01:08:29): Figure out what works for you, what works for your family. Then you're going to be in pretty good shape.

But it takes a really long time to build that new neuro pathway, that new muscle memory, right? So even

if you're first time to the gym, it's going to be a while. So you can learn a new form or a new technique

and build that muscle memory and motivation and discipline. So whether it's a new job or new workout

routine or new beating habits, the same thing goes with learning something new, especially when you're

trying to change behavior and unlearn something in order to learn something else.

Dominic Lawson (01:09:03): This isn't just about manhood. It's about worth itself. We inherit these ideas. We're them like uniforms,

and sometimes never pause to ask, do they even fit me? But what happens when survival pushes you into

spaces where worth becomes transactional or validation and income are tied to being desired, not known.

Maybe it's easy to talk about the rewriting of narratives in theory, but in practice it gets messy, doesn't it?

Especially when the world rewards the very behaviors we're trying to unlearn after everything we've

explored, the cycles, the cravings, the coping. What does healing look like? Not perfection, definitely not

erasure, but control. And for Maddie healing, Mick reclaiming the one thing she'd lost the most. Her

voice.

Maddie (A.I.) (01:10:06): This isn't about banning websites, it's about building language because you can't fight something you can't

name, and you can't heal from something you're too afraid to say out loud.

Dominic Lawson (01:10:16): Maddie is 15 now. She leads a digital wellness talk once a month at her school. It's optional, but the

library fills up every time. She doesn't call herself an expert per se. She calls herself a survivor of silence.

Maddie (A.I.) (01:10:34): I used to think the porn was the problem, but it wasn't. Not really. It wasn't the porn that broke me. It was

the silence that followed.

Dominic Lawson (01:10:45): Geo found visibility in a word that monetized him while Maddie found meaning in a world that finally

listened. Two different paths bound by the same longing to be seen, understood, and unashamed. And

maybe that's the lesson that silence doesn't just isolate, it infects. But when we start to speak, we find

words for our wounds. We begin to rewrite more than just our stories. We begin to rewrite the systems

that kept them hidden. Next time on mental health rewritten, we're going to sit with one of the most

difficult conversations of them all, sexual assault or bring back Javi King from episode one who helped us

explore trauma and identity. And once again, we'll also hear from Dr. Kakis to guide us through the

mental and emotional complexities. This topic demands. And we won't just be talking about theory will

be joined by someone brave enough to share their own story, not for shock, but for understanding.

Ashley-Lauren Elrod (01:11:57): I was getting abused half of my life for over 11 years. It was a family member. It really actually wasn't

just him, it was multiple people. There were actually a couple girls in my life as well that also did

Dominic Lawson (01:12:14): Mental Health Rewritten created by the Owls Education Company is hosted, written, and produced by

me. Dominic Lawson, executive producers Kenda Lawson and Dr. Whitney Howzell Cover Art was

created by Alexandra Ings of Art Life Connections. Sources to create this episode are included in the

show notes. Be sure to like review and subscribe to the Mental Health Rewritten podcast on Apple

Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Also let everyone know about the podcast.

We would appreciate that very much. Five star ratings are always helpful. You can also listen to snippets

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channel, and let people know about the podcast. We would appreciate that very much. For a full transcript

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where we may play in a later episode. Thank you so much for listening to the Mental Health Rewritten

podcast. We're prioritizing mental health. It's not optional. Take care of yourself.

(01:14:03): First of all, I told you there was going to be one more thing we needed to break down in this episode. And

secondly, there's a word that coming up in this episode that I think we need to address. It was said

multiple times over. Geo said it, Dr. Dotson said it, and Dr. Kahaka said it also. And I think this is

something we need to address. I am very appreciative of the mental health awareness that is being out in

society right now. And I am also very much appreciative of the word trauma being out there in yet

awareness campaign. But that word is thrown out a lot these days. And while awareness is a beautiful

thing, the overused can dull the power of that word. And with that, we risk losing sight of the

responsibility that comes from using it. So let's ground ourselves in what trauma actually is in the DSM

five trauma is defined as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violence. That

can happen through directly experiencing the event, witnessing it, learning that it happened to someone

close to you, or even through repeated exposure to the aftermath of traumatic events. Think of first

responders and emergency workers in the ICD 11. It expands on that by describing trauma as the

exposure to an extremely threatening or horrific event or series of events that can lead to intrusive

memories, avoidance, emotional dysregulation, and persistent feelings of current threats.

(01:15:53): But here's the thing, trauma doesn't always show up as one big event. Sometimes it's a series of smaller

experiences that can quietly chip away at your sense of safety, what many clinicians call small T trauma,

things like chronic bullying, emotional neglect, or repeated displacement. And these can have just as

lasting and impact as the big T traumas we tend to recognize. Let me give you an example I once heard of

about a young girl, we'll call her Maya. By the age of 10, she had already moved six times. Each move

meant losing friends, starting over, and feeling completely uprooted by the time she reached high school,

anxiety and panic attacks were a regular part of her life. Her ACE score, the adverse child experiences we

talked about earlier was seven. No single catastrophic event, just consistent compounding instability. And

that's why I wanted to cue this moment right here, because isolation, being treated as other over and over

again is absolutely a trauma. And if we're not careful about how we talk about it, we risk dismissing

people's lived experiences. So whether it is Big T or small T trauma shapes how we see ourselves, how

we connect with others, and how we heal. So I wanted to leave you with that. Thank you so much for

listening to the Mental Health Rewritten podcast where prioritizing mental health, it's not optional. Take

care of yourself. I.